A Photographer Again

I feel like a photographer again. Not always a great one. Not always an ethical one. But a photographer again. When I left DiversityWorks in 2005, my intent was to be a full-time photographer. I’ve failed. I think that what I soon realized was that I needed to be a three quarters-time lazaholic to reverse my workaholic ways, and photography was one of the things that got put to the side, unintentionally. So in the course of these past four years, I’ve done a lot LESS photography than I did during my time at DiversityWorks, and with the exception of a trip to West Africa and some jobs here and there, I’ve not really done any photography. It’s gotten to the point that when people ask me what I do, and I say “photographer”, I often feel disingenuous.

But now I’m a photographer, or at least I feel like one again. The feeling actually started about a month before the trip when I began contacting groups about doing photography for them. It meant me updating my resume, realizing that my work over the last ten years or so was really thin. It meant me researching groups that do work that I both admire, and that matches my style of photography. It meant me putting myself out there to groups and individuals, and trying to make a compelling case for why they should hire me for a day or a week or somewhere in between. And it was exciting, surprising, challenging, and fulfilling. I felt alive.

And not only have I felt like a photographer since arriving in Uganda, but I’ve acted like one. I’ve taken thousands of pictures in this, one of the most photogenic places that I’ve ever visited, and some of them might be really good. And I’ve also taught photography, both formally and informally, and I’ve not been all bad at it. The last several days, I’ve led two short workshops for women who will be documenting their communities through the Zion Project. The first group was in one of Northern Uganda’s many Internally Displaced Persons camps and the second was with Congolese refugees who are living in Gulu and often working as prostitutes. Both groups have stories to tell, and my job was to help them do it through photography. Many of you may know that I was soliciting camera donations before my trip, and Morgan and I carried 28 cameras and more than 40 rolls of film to Uganda to donate to this project. And while I cursed this extra bulk and weight in my bags for the first two weeks, I’m so glad that we did it, and so appreciative of the generosity of people who put their old cameras into the hands of new photographers. It’s of course impossible to say what the results will be, but I’m told that there will be a show of the women’s work in both San Francisco and the greater DC area in May of this year. And even if the photos suck, and some undoubtedly will, these women have an amazing story, and I hope those of you who live in these areas will come out just to hear some of these vignettes about their lives. Those absolutely will not suck.





Nor will the stories that I’ve collected along the way. I’m very conscious of the fact that I’m not telling all the stories on this blog, and that I’m even intentionally leaving out some of the most golden nuggets, because I know that there will be photography shows that come out of this trip, and I want all of you who are reading this religiously, even if it’s only a few of you, to be able to come and be delighted by new stories to accompany the many many photographs. And that’s likely all an ego thing, because when I do a photo show, one very clear goal is to have all the guests either 1) fall in love with me, or 2) fall in love with me all over again. So come to the show and feed my ego. Or don’t and I’ll add an epilogue after my show, along with a link to a photo gallery, to fill in some of the blanks.

With this said, not all of the photographs have been winners, and I realized yesterday that I shot a whole bunch of indoor shots in dark huts that are painfully out of focus. But I think it’s all part of the process of getting back into the game, remembering who I am as a photographer, and using the camera as an effective tool. And to be honest, I don’t know how good I am nor how good I can be since making good photographs here is like shooting fish in a barrel. And ultimately I will judge my work on this trip to a great extent by how it’s received by you, the viewers; how they attract you to want to learn more, engage you in discussion, inspire you to reflect, and do something the same or differently in your lives.

Being back in the photo game is also challenging me to ‘do the right thing’, or to call myself on it when I don’t. I’ve been guilty of taking photographs of people without asking them, something I claim to never do. I’ve been guilty of aiming my wide angle lens at a landscape or cityscape and including a non-assuming bystander in the picture…by design. And I’ve not hatched a plan to get photos to everyone I’ve photographed, also something that I like to think that I try to do religiously. But at least I’ve got 5-6 more weeks to right this ship, to be the photographer that I want to be, or to come to terms with the fact that I’m not only a flawed human being, but a flawed photographer.